Jules Paymer Partners with Miki Ratsula on "The Daughter That My Mother Wanted"

Jules Paymer and Miki Ratsula's raw songwriting and stark truth-telling have built their fan bases on social media. Speaking their truth through indie-pop hooks and genuine lyricism, Paymer and Ratsula tell stories of the hardships and beauty of queerness. As advocates for the LGBTQ+ community, Paymer and Ratsula address their experiences through their music, baring themselves to the world and providing comfort and a safe space to those who listen.  

Sharing similar experiences in their journey of self-discovery and coming out as non-binary, the two artists teamed up to deliver an emotional track that hits on self-acceptance and gender identity. Using song and visuals, Paymer illustrates the struggle between fitting an expectation vs. being one's true self on their track "The Daughter That My Mother Wanted" featuring Ratsula.

A haunting piano underlays Paymer’s vocals in the verse as they sing, “Cause I was 15/The last time that she felt like me/Bet her parents tell her they’re so proud/I don’t ever really hear that now.”

The instrumental turns from simple piano to a background beat as Ratsula takes over the second verse. “I used to steal/My brother’s clothes/Wish our mother would’ve bought me those.”

Paymer and Ratsula’s expansive vocals layer harmonies and emotion as they melt together on the anthemic chorus. Ratsula's rich lower tone perfectly compliments Paymer's higher one as they sing "She lives like a ghost/In my childhood home”. 

Speaking about writing the song, Paymer says, “No one was writing about these topics. I wasn’t able to find the artists or songs that I needed when I was discovering these new truths about myself. Growing up, the only artists I could look to were confusing to me; they were flamboyant caricatures. I thought I was alone with my sadness because they didn’t show me theirs.”

“TDTMMW” is a song that slams you in the gut and comes along with a video that's just as impactful. Depicting adolescent versions of Paymer and Ratsula coping with their identities, contemporary Paymer and Ratsula cut in and out of the video as a before and after illustration of self-acceptance. Not ones to sugarcoat their experiences, the video hits on complex, nuanced emotions as we see Paymer and Ratsula mourning their past versions of themselves while celebrating their self-acceptance and growth into their true selves.

Paymer confides, "Miki and I have the unfortunate kind of privilege of understanding each other that allows a song like this to exist. To meet somebody who has had such a similar experience in their gender, family, and existence is rare in the first place. To both be on this difficult journey of not only being non-binary but also making room for ourselves in the music industry where room was never made, is an incredible thing. It can be daunting and scary being an artist trying to make real change. Being on set for the music video and hanging out with our ‘younger selves’ was kind of insane, it was hard but at the same time, very healing."

Paymer's music heals, not only for themselves but for those who listen and relate to their lyrics and experiences.